how to get over your ex (or pseudo-ex) according to science
Yes! Another story about dealing with emotional stress, a.k.a. getting over someone. Disclaimer: I haven’t gotten results from applying the principles you’re about to discover YET. But I can’t wait to share them with you. Who knows, this might help you!
Also, if you’re happy good for you. Please watch and share what you will learn with someone you know who’s going through an emotional stress. Okay?
Okay! And I added “pseudo-ex” because last night I talked to one of my former classmates back in elementary. The funniest guy in our class hehehe. Our conversation led to dealing with heartbreak (friendzoned!) and hey if you’re reading this, you inspired this story. Hahahaha.
So stick with me through the end and I’m going to share with you how to get over your ex (or pseudo-ex) according to science.
3 strategies to mend your broken heart
In this study published in Journal of Experimental Psychology: General, they took 24 broken hearts who have been in an average of 2.5 years relationship. Some were dumped and some were the ones who ended their long-term relationship. Either way both were broken-hearted.
They were coached to use these cognitive strategies:
#1 Negative Reappraisal
From the name itself, it’s all about focusing your thoughts on the negative traits of your ex. Your pet peeves about your ex. Your ex’s annoying habits which could be:
- Forgetting anniversaries/monthsaries
- Leaving dirty dishes in the sink
- Snoring so loud you couldn’t sleep
- Too clingy
Anything! As long as you highlight the negative traits of your ex. That’s it!
#2 Love Reappraisal
This is where you stop resisting the love you feel towards your ex. Instead of being hard on yourself for still loving your ex, you accept it. Positive affirmations like
“It’s okay to love someone I’m no longer with.”
Because what you resist persists, right? So the idea is to let it be and accept the feeling instead of fighting it.
#3 Distraction
I see this strategy every time someone deals with a heartbreak. Finding something to be distracted about. Like traveling, go somewhere which wouldn’t make you remember your ex. Or learning something new, spending time on things that interest you.
So which strategy repaired the most hearts?
There were 2 measurements made:
- Emotional Response
- Love Response
Researchers flashed pictures of their former flame and measured intensity of their responses by attaching electrodes to their heads.
All 3 strategies reported a significant decrease in emotional response. BUT only one showed a significant decrease in love response.
That is #1 strategy, Negative Reappraisal.
Though, it’s noteworthy to know that broken hearts who used negative reappraisal experienced short-term stress resulting to bad mood but eventually felt better in the long-term.
You can go back to this story and pick one of the strategies. All strategies proved to be useful when getting over your ex (or pseudo-ex).
I, myself, tried negative reappraisal. It felt good for a moment but I didn’t like the idea of remembering someone in the bad light just so I could get over them.
Personally, I choose #2 love reappraisal ’cause it feels like the real me. I feel aligned to my feelings and values when I do it. And in combination with #3 distraction, I think it would propel me forward faster.
I hope you found this story helpful. And I wish you to move forward as a better and stronger human being.
Thanks for reading!
